Officially official

After 23 years of friendship and 3 years of dating, I've been officially engaged for 3 days.  My love flew in to surprise me Friday night and greeted me at my front door with a bottle of champagne.  After a small dinner, we sat and listened to Diana Krall, talked, and sipped some bubbly.  He mentioned his agony over the ring and said he wanted my input, again.  He pulled out the current Martha Stewart's Weddings magazine - it has various rings on the cover - and asked if I could see one that I would like.  I lit up and mentioned that I had that same magazine and began to dig through my pile until I realized there was something glimmering on the front of his.  He had taped my ring on top of a photo of one.  He again asked if I saw one that would work for me.  I said yes and became quite emotional.  I picked up the ring, he put it on my hand, and said, "Marry me."  It was an easy decision.

We spent all day Saturday running around to tell family.  We saw Mom at lunch, called Dad (whose response was, "great, cool."), visited his grandparents, my Godmother, his Father, Mom and Stepdad.  Dad was very interested to see the ring, which was odd considering the fact that he never purchased my Mom a ring.  Dad was hard to read.

On Sunday my parents threw an engagement party for the families to meet one another (although we already knew each other given the fact that both of our families went to the Catholic high school and we were neighbors so I suppose it was more of a reunion.)  It wasn't awkward, it was so easy and comfortable.  When it was time to toast with champagne, his Mom pushed my Father up to the front of the room and announced that the Father of the Bride was going to give the toast.  Dad was admantly against doing this, but he was put on the spot and did an a wonderful job.  People cried, he spoke from the heart. 

That night after I took my love, er my fiance, to the airport I asked Dad how he was doing.  He said he was happy when he heard, although shocked, and then said he felt immediately empty.  He wasn't ready to let me go, but he said he also knows its time.

Saturday Mornings Sans Smurfs

My grandmother jokes that Edgar is preparing me for children.  Since I've adopted him, I haven't slept past 8:00 AM.  He's usually trying to rally me about 6 AM, only if he hasn't gotten me up in the middle of the night.  This morning was no exception.

I didn't attempt to go back to sleep, but decided to flip on the TV.  What happened to the Smurfs?  Where were The Littles?  Saturday mornings have seriously declined since the 80's.  Instead of Heafty trying to charm Smurfette, I found a lot of reality tv shows with kids on NBC, the Discovery channel partnered with ABC, and CBS is targeting the pre-schoolers with Nick Jr.  It was terribly disappointing.

The comercials however, had not changed much.  You could always count on Ronald pushing cheeseburgers with plastic processed dairy product, gross sugary neon fruity drinks, and breakfast foods that have no nutritional value.  I didn't see Barbies, but Bratz.  Ok, for future reference, this is not a step up for feminists.  What parent in their right mind would buy a doll for their child with that kind of a name?  Oddly enough I didn't see a lot of male targeted toys.

You know the tv is bad when you begin to look forward to the infomercials.

Philosophical Differences

So it is abundantly clear that my father is firmly against a wedding.  He believes that money spent on one day is a waste, however he can see justification in paying monthly cable that sucks not only money but hours and hours of your life into things like food tv, the golf channel, and monster garage.  These are about the only shows he watches with the exception of Fox News.  Fox News is like the Choose the Right ring for the mormons.  Although he's a closet Catholic, he could wear a CTR ring and get away with it just fine.

I've been home sick the past few days. Yesterday my mom came by to keep me company while the plumber was here (long story, needs separate entry) and advised me to take my father to lunch to discuss weddings.

The last time I attempted a Daddy-Daughter heart to heart I was 20 and was moving in with my boyfriend for the first time.  It wasn't a discussion.  It was us meeting at Chop Suey Louie's on campus while he let me know under no certain terms that I was, in fact, throwing my life away.  It was more of a Dictator-Daughter stab your heart kind of a deal.  You can imagine that my mom suggesting I have a go at round 2 wasn't appealing.

Today I got an email from my future mother-in-law.  A little bird told her that my mom and I had ventured off to the bridal shows this weekend and she wanted to know ALL ABOUT IT.  Ok, not so subtle.  I'm guessing that she does not have secret spies but that her little bird might live in Indy.  I haven't written her back.  What do I say?

"Gee, I found a bunch of great ideas but they aren't going to happen because my father thinks this is a waste, he's broke, and he thinks that since I'm 30 and didn't jump on the first guy I saw when I was 19 he doesn't owe me anything.  He thinks its just too bad I waited until I was mature to get my life in order.  Apparently I missed out on the clause that if I went to graduate school and became a sucess then I forfited his assistance with a  wedding.  Missed that small print there." 

In his opinion and my mothers anthropology background, weddings are there to get the couple set up in a household with the showers etc.  In my opinion its a celebration of the merging of families.  He'll show up to the sucker; he'll even walk me down the aisle, but the only thing he'll be giving away is his opinion that the whole deal is a waste.

Pseudo Bride

Yesterday my mother and I went to bridal shows.  We realize that this may seem a bit premature as there isn't anything sparkling on my hand, but really at this point in time the ring is more of a technicality.  For example:  when my love was here over New Years his mother threw us a pseudo engagement party complete with champagne and crab.  My poor love is just trying to get the perfect ring (we've been shopping for a few months now) and as he told my dad during "the talk" he plans almost to a fault.  I will just leave my love to planning the proposal issues while I move on and work on the wedding.

Here's the deal:  I never was the little girl playing bride when I was little.  The closest I got was playing dorm room modeled after Denise Cosby in "A Different World."  Little did I know I was modeling my fantasy of independence and learning off of a predominantly African American university.  Kids don't pick up on these things. 

I was a bit shocked when I heard my mom suggest we go to the bridal extravaganza.  She married my dad on an ultimatium after dating 4 years and agreed to a quick ceremony so she didn't chicken out.  My parents for years have been bribing me with eloping with a sum of cash.  However, this is not going to happen.

The first thing I noticed at the bridal show was that I was OLD.  This is Utah.  These girls are switching their prom dress for a bridal gown within the same year.  They have you register and then wanted me to put on a name badge with the date of my wedding.  Ok, so we have narrowed it down to a month, but not a day.  I began to make things up.  September 30th, sure that's the ticket.  I didn't know if it fell on a Wednesday, Saturday, or what, but it sounded fine.  I refused to put on the name badge.

We got there in time for the fashion show.  Some DJ's volunteered to showcase their sound systems as to entice you to book them for THE big day.  The quality sounded like a fisher price record player.  I noted the name for the specific purpose of NOT pursuing him. 

Obviously I became uncomfortable during this as I immediately became caddy.  I began to notice the dresses that were Temple Worthy, to which I kept running commentary to my mom as, "another TW dress."  These dresses are "modest," a.k.a sleeves, no cleavage, etc.  I also began to notice the models who were shoved into some corset showing off their back fat as clevage once they turned to show the train.  There was one model who thought she was all that.  Heavy makeup, dark ratted hair (I think she was trying to look like a Vogue photo shoot) and a strut that made you wonder how many hours she spent trying to get it down.  She bounced down the runway, stared right into the camera and did her best "America's Next Model" pout.  My mom began to hope that she would trip down the catwalk and we couldn't help but giggle.

Another facet of the show was how the emcee kept saying, "Congratulations, Brides!"  As if to say, "You finally snared a man!  Good going!  Your life can now begin!"  No grooms were mentioned.  It really began to grate on my nerves.

Once the fashon show ended, we ventured on to the booths.  Florists, venues, invitations, caterers, photographers and the ever-so-popular-but-I-question-how-sanitary chocolate fountains.  Blech.  At one caterers booth I overheard a very naive bride who looked like she was 12 and her fiance still with high school acne ask, "So could you just do brownies?"  The caterer laughed trying to relieve the insult he just got and the unrecognized faux pas she just made.  The sad thing was, in Utah, to have catered brownies at a Ward wedding is hoity toity. 

A typical Utah wedding would consist of the Temple in the morning, a bridal lunch at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, then the couple mysteriously disappears for a couple hours only to reappear at the Ward for the reception.  They will stand in a recieving line for hours and the refreshments will be jordan almonds, punch in a bathroom sized Dixie cup, and perhaps a cookie. 

My mom and I cleared the Salt Palace gig within an hour.  We decided to head to bridal show #2 at the Grand America Hotel.  Given the venue, I knew the audience and vendors would be different.  I also wisened up to the causal glances at my bare left hand and promptly switched my amethist ring to my 4th finger.  No Frenze Bridal/Prom Dress show, no Claires Accessories for your big day, no Inkleys photo, no Hampton Inn receptions, and no Davids Bridal.  It was first class.  We actually saw cakes, scene makers, wedding coordinators, professional photographers, and a couture dress maker.  My mom and I left with the rough idea that neither of us had enough in savings to cover a dress and a cake. 

We left with some really good ideas and my mom began to discuss guest lists.  All I need now is that ring...