Me, Myself and I

There are things that, although great, tend to lose their luster when you are by yourself.  (Now, now, children, please get your mind out of the gutter.)  Perhaps this entry is just because I'm a bit lonely, but then I really think, "I'm not THAT lonely."  I'm betting its just anticipatory loneliness.  Tonight is one of three nights sans my love. 

I'm back in Indy for some stupid physical.  Can you believe that they actually want to make sure I'm a Nancy Reagan wanna be with "just say no" and have absolutely no illegal substances in my system before handing me a multi million dollar budget to manage and a large staff?  Crazy thinking, I know.  However the fact remains that I'm still using all of my paid time off that was supposed to be saved for my wedding time off only to be here in Indy.  Which, again, would be fine if only my lover were here with me.  Ah no, he is off working the night shifts (or shits, as I like to call them) at our local neonatal intensive care units. 

Tonight I made myself a large dinner.  It was the first time I'd cooked in weeks seeing that I'm now with ma and pa for the interim.  I roasted lemon pepper chicken and did some thyme/rosemary potatoes.  It would have been a lot more fun if he would have been here to enjoy the meal.  Instead I found myself not at the table with an elegant place setting, but standing up picking meat off the carcass with my fingers and chugging a beer while watching some re-run of Raymond.  Good hell, I've lost my manners.

Well thought out meals alone really aren't a bowl full of cherries.  Come to think of it, neither is splitting a dessert.  I've tried this to con myself into thinking I'm saving myself 1/2 of the calories, but then I end up finishing it off then and there realizing that I'll just eat it later.  Even wearing matching lingerie isn't all that fun unless someone else discovers that it was done intentionally.  Its not like you can surprise yourself when you undress (that is unless you have dementia or something like that.)  Like I said, some things lose their luster when you are by yourself.

What's in store now?  I have movies I've rented, but they aren't much fun without at least a dog to snuggle up with.  I could take a bath.  I could read.  I could call friends.  All of these things don't push the inevitable...that I could be in Salt Lake just as easy as being in Indy because tonight, I'm going to bed solo.  Bummer.