The Price of Self-Worth

Today has been like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  I knew I had last round interviews for my position here in the afternoon.  Talk about a sinking feeling.  We had the top three candidates come back to sit with the staff and answer their questions.  Already there was a strong bias due to some unpolitically friendly lobbying by senior staff members, and so as much as we made the rating sheet objective, the personal glare was obvious.  Again, this team demonstrated once again that although they are change agents, they themselves hate change; they believe tenure = entitlement; and they still hate there is a business aspect to health care.  They want someone to "understand" them, perhaps not do what's best for them.  It was fascinating as an observer who isn't putting a vote in, to witness the group process.

Perhaps I was dissociating from it.  I listened to their percieved challenges and vision and heard a lot of white noise.  Mostly it was because I was offered a job in Indy this morning.  As I listened to their answers (some canned text book, others genuine) I thought of myself in this process just a week ago.  How did I sound?  Do I really know what I'm doing?  Will they understand that I feel like a fraud as in, "Don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain," Wizard of Oz syndrome?  I remember thinking once my answer came out of my mouth, "Holy cow, perhaps I do know what to do in this situation."  And other times I felt like I was faking it.  However, by the end of the 10th round of interviews, (yes folks, you read correctly, 10), I didn't care one way or another.

This morning when they extended the offer I asked one very important question:  Is that the best you can do?  They told me to name a price and I did.  Surprisingly they called me back within 30 minutes saying they would match my number and also agreed to my start date after my honeymoon and week moving time.  It was all said and done so fast I couldn't believe it.  Was I really worth that much?  I never thought, "Gee I should have asked for more!"  Nope, I thought, "Holy cow, how am I going to prove I was a good investment?  What if I fail?"  I never had negotiations go that easy before.  Typically, I found companies not really willing to agree.  It was a fight to get my current salary and even here, I feel like a fraud at times (although thefrequency is becoming less and less.) 

They say that women have a hard time putting a price on their worth.  Even when we can and do put a price on things, we still doubt if we're worth it.  Yup, that feminism hasn't really pushed us that far ahead...