Last Thursday I came home and found our Christmas tree had arrived. J and I debated about getting a tree considering we will be home in SLC, but it is our first Christmas together. The tree was freshly cut from Oregon and was wrapped in twine and a bag. J had assessed that given our type of tree stand, we would need to drill a hole in the bottom of the trunk. This of course required us to go find a bit the size of the pole. By 8:45 I was ready to call it a night hoping that we could push off the tree drama until the next day. However, after I was reminded of the countless parties, Christmas Carol play, and other scheduled events I realized the tree couldn't be postponed. I truly was a grumpy Grinch while my husband was so excited about the tree he was doing everything but tap dancing. What finally elevated my mood was his pleading as well as then opening up the mail shipping order slip. J had sent a message, "To Edgar-dog. Remember that there are differences between inside trees and outside trees." It was silly, but it made my heart melt (or in the Grinch's case, grow two sizes too big.)
In my pajamas, we went to the hardware store. (I really wasn't kidding when I said I was ready to call it a night.) We found the bit. On our way home, J was asking about doing the lights too that evening. I told my overzealous husband to not get too committed as I was already anticipating the drama. I have had girlfriends whose engagements have almost come to a halt due to a Christmas tree whether it be the tree, the lights, the decorations, etc.. My reality was far from my husband's idealized romantic notion of Christmas.
It was very dark and unseasonably warm. It was in the 60's or so during the day so standing outside in your pj's wasn't bad. There we were on our front stoop, hovering around the yellow porch light trying to decide scientifically where to begin drilling the hole and how to make it straight. "Go up the middle." That was my solution. It seemed straight enough to me when we put it flat on the cement. We practiced a bit on spare wood scraps and then began with the tree. That sucker was hard. I finally had the brilliant idea that perhaps the sawdust was getting in the way of making progress forward. Sure enough, it was. We would drill, then clear out sawdust, then drill again, etc etc etc. When we thought it was done, we hauled it inside to the stand. After some maneuvering, it stood...kind of. Well, it was more like leaning at a 45 degree angle and resting on the windows for support. I broke into a fit of laughter. This just made J more angry.
"Are you laughing at me?"
I'm rolling on the floor. "Nope, just the situation. Its just typical. I know you want things to be perfect."
"Yes."
"Its like the wedding. So many things went wrong, but who cares? It turned out perfect for us."
He concluded that he needed something to drink. So at 11:20 or so on a work night, we broke out some port and took the tree back outside. By now, Edgar is really confused with the activity.
We recalulated the angle to straighten the tree out and proceeded to drill and saw a little off the bottom for water uptake. At one point in time J pulled the bit out of the tree. I forgot that there was a LED light that glowed blue and helped navigate where you are drilling, but that's not what I saw.
"Wow! That drill bit is really hot! Its glowing!" I exclaimed.
"Al, its the LED light. Yup, back to the spontaneous combusting tree theory again for you."
We finally got the tree back into the house and into the stand. It was still a little crooked, but much much better. While I finished off the port, J began with the lights. I actually found a man who enjoys doing lights! My father used to be meticulous in this, but as he got older he just seemed bothered by the whole task but wouldn't give it up. He would be happy just winding one strand around and around the whole tree then calling it good. (I exaggurate, but not by much.)
As the night was winding down at 1:30, Edgar needed to go outside. J offered to take him. He came back in laughing.
"As if this night couldn't get any worse. Edgar pooped and while I was aiming for the garbage, his poop bag landed in the rain gutters." We decided to wait until the next day to fix that problem.
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