Affirmation

Huh.  I kind of feel like a deer in the headlights.  Over the years as a director, I have dealt with a lot of political and interpersonal nightmares.  Perhaps it was because I was a young peer moving up the ranks, perhaps it was something else.  All I know is that I have kept the details to myself vs. publically processing things on the blog for a good reason.  Much thanks to Dooce who lived, learned, and passed on her wisdom.  Note to self:  will not repeat her mistake.  All I know is that when I began to finally let my colleagues and staff know of my intention to leave, I felt more relief than regret.  Indiana with its fields of corn, evangelical tent revivals, race cars and tornados looks really good to me right now.

The team is in a good place.  I'm really proud of the work we've done on our relationships, trust, task forces, etc..  Most of the work was behind having them believe in themselves and just prove how excellent they were vs. playing the martyr victim.  Odd that a profession so built on advocacy would have so many people in victim mode.  I'm glad to be leaving on a high note vs. a low one.  I'm happy that administration is wanting to work with me to help transition and have me be mostly in control of my termination date. 

I've been telling staff members individually of my plans which have been met with some tears, a lot of congratulations, one expressing interest in my job, and one begging me not to go.  Today in staff meeting I addressed their anxiety openly.  To my surprise quite a few asked if the organization would consider having me go on a LOA for a couple of years and they would be ok with an interim director for the meantime.  I thought only one person felt that way, but apparently they wanted to organize a group to petition the CEO, admin director, and HR for this plan. 

If anything, I was flattered.  Part of me wondered if it was more about them being more afraid of change than it was about me.  Even some of my harshest critics acknowledged how much they appreciated me and respected me, but our biggest source of pain was the change of me taking over in the beginning. 

Either way no matter what happens, interim or permanent replacement, it was a nice affirmation that the past 3 years have meant something. 

All Y'All

Phew!  Things are going so fast!  I just got back from Louisiana where wedding 2 out of 3 for 2006 occurred.  The first was my dear friend in San Francisco, but I couldn't make it because I was so sick. 

Miss Stacey was married last Saturday at a beautiful plantation.  www.houmashouse.com  I was a bridesmaid.  I can tell you that of all of the times I've been a bridesmaid, this has been my favorite experience.  The dress was pretty, I had hair long enough for an up-do, the weather was perfect, and my fiance flew down to meet me. 

I can say that the bride was a bundle of nerves as the countdown to zero hour.  She was so focused on her tiara looking just right and her make up to be just so.  She was not the talkative chatty southern belle I was used to.  All I could think was, "This is a preview of how I'm going to be."  Or not. 

One of my bridesmaids, Michael the chaplain, instructed me that I needed to get rid of the perfection myth.  On some level that will be easy because details can sometimes elude me. 

Its been a few years since I've been back to NOLA.  I have to say, I couldn't bear to fly into New Orleans, so I flew into Baton Rouge like a coward.  At the rehearsal dinner, the natives (otherwise known as the ya yas) gave me updates on how the city was doing. 

Apparently the lakeshore is still devistated.  There is a waterline along I 10 where the flood waters hit that they haven't washed off.  There are cars that were flooded along the interstate that no one has cleared.  Charity Hospital's Emergency Department has moved to the Lord and Taylor department store.  There aren't any service people.  Even taco bell has limited hours and closes at 7:00 PM.  Emeril's Delmonico restaurant still isn't open...the recorded message says, "Due to Hurricane Katrina, we are still closed."  Emeril's just barely opened up with limited seating, limited hours, and a limited menu.  Tell me again why we're sending troops to guard our southern borders (but not our northern) when the city is still in shreads?

In other news, my engagement photos are up!  www.davinafear.com/alijon/   They are amazing!

Annoying

I must be hormonal except for the fact that the calendar says I should be FINE. 

If you've been paying attention to the "what I'm reading" section recently, it has reflected a variety of different marriage prep books.  I call it my arsenal for a pre-emptive strike against the freak-out I'm trying to avoid but is oh so characteristic of me.  Currently I'm skimming The Medical Marriage for obvious reasons.  The authors (a married couple who are not MD's) suggest reading it together, but I can't figure out why because its all facts and no deep questions for couples to even spawn a conversation.  Basically the message its sending is, marriage is hard but being married to a doctor is worse.  Really comforting, folks.

The previous book I read was by Marg Stark called, What NoOne Tells the Bride.  Its worth a read.  Fear about becoming a Mrs. (as in what you think of as the exclusive title of your mother in law), navigating me-time/we-time, and whatnot.  It was really great to the point that I went in search for her web site.  Wouldn't you know it, she's become a traitor.  Now her site is all about her being a Mommy. 

I have nothing against the motherhood movement.  What's annoying me is that it seems to just be another status ring.  There are lists and lists of blogs dedicated to being a mom and the challenges associated with it.  Please note, I am a fan of them.  However, I do search through the material for issues and topics I can relate to that do not have anything to do with sleeping patterns, poopy diapers, or cheerios.  Please tell me that these women hang on to something of themselves besides their primary identity of being a mom.  They did have a life before pushing a melon out of their hoo haw (yes, the very medically scientific term I adopted from living in the south).

My question is, where are the blogs dedicated to the transition of singlehood to couplehood?  Is this where Sex and the City took off?  Notice there isn't a Mom in the City movement (yet, I should say, yet). 

My future sister in law has a 22 month old.  She lives in LA as a stay at home mom and has tried to expand her social circles.  She let me know that the hierarchy doesn't end once you are a mom.  Nope.  You get bonus points for the MORE children you have.  Thus, because she's only had one, she falls to the bottom of the club. 

My cousin has had two and lives in a very wealthy part of Utah.  To show she is all about it, she has embarked on an extreme make-over of veneers and a boob job.  Apparently she's running for prom queen of the mommies.

Will the hierarchy competition ever end?

Six Degrees

I'm certain everyone has heard about the game, "Six Degrees of Separation from Kevin Bacon."  I, myself, have never played...that is, until today.  Here's the deal:

I have an employee who's roommate just landed a job as a nanny for Meg Ryan, who was married to Dennis Quaid, who was in a movie with Kyra Sedgwick, who is married to Kevin Bacon.  Or, you could just note that I once saw Kevin Bacon perform at the Gallivan Center with his brother.  I actually stumbled into that concert by accident.

What is really amazing is the nannying part.  She is getting paid six figures for taking care of the adopted child and coordinating schedules for the 14 year old with the joint custody arrangement.  (I can tell you this as there haven't been any confidentiality clauses signed.)  Six figures.  What the hell was I thinking going to college, graduate school, and wanting to help the world for my salary? 

Apparently the nanny has been doing this for 14 years.  I had friends who did the nanny thing until their early 20's always swearing they would NEVER hire a nanny (none of them have either).  I'm certain people read the bestseller, "The Nanny Diaries."  Somewhere there is a line between the meager fees, a weekend off, and free room to six figures, Christmas in St. Barts, and movie sets.  This woman crossed that line. 

She was back East working for a rap mogul.  His kids were apparently only brought out for photo ops and to show off the bling.  Ms. Ryan is a huge step up on the parenting involvement.

When I was little I always wanted a nanny (Mary Poppins style), store bought cookies, and thought videos were a huge treat.  Instead I had a stay at home mom, fresh baked cookies, and active imagination games like school/gas station/restaurant. 

I hope when I have kids, they have the same desires and realities I did.  Nannies need not apply.