Affirmation

Huh.  I kind of feel like a deer in the headlights.  Over the years as a director, I have dealt with a lot of political and interpersonal nightmares.  Perhaps it was because I was a young peer moving up the ranks, perhaps it was something else.  All I know is that I have kept the details to myself vs. publically processing things on the blog for a good reason.  Much thanks to Dooce who lived, learned, and passed on her wisdom.  Note to self:  will not repeat her mistake.  All I know is that when I began to finally let my colleagues and staff know of my intention to leave, I felt more relief than regret.  Indiana with its fields of corn, evangelical tent revivals, race cars and tornados looks really good to me right now.

The team is in a good place.  I'm really proud of the work we've done on our relationships, trust, task forces, etc..  Most of the work was behind having them believe in themselves and just prove how excellent they were vs. playing the martyr victim.  Odd that a profession so built on advocacy would have so many people in victim mode.  I'm glad to be leaving on a high note vs. a low one.  I'm happy that administration is wanting to work with me to help transition and have me be mostly in control of my termination date. 

I've been telling staff members individually of my plans which have been met with some tears, a lot of congratulations, one expressing interest in my job, and one begging me not to go.  Today in staff meeting I addressed their anxiety openly.  To my surprise quite a few asked if the organization would consider having me go on a LOA for a couple of years and they would be ok with an interim director for the meantime.  I thought only one person felt that way, but apparently they wanted to organize a group to petition the CEO, admin director, and HR for this plan. 

If anything, I was flattered.  Part of me wondered if it was more about them being more afraid of change than it was about me.  Even some of my harshest critics acknowledged how much they appreciated me and respected me, but our biggest source of pain was the change of me taking over in the beginning. 

Either way no matter what happens, interim or permanent replacement, it was a nice affirmation that the past 3 years have meant something.