My boyfriend has an impeccable ability to go into dream sequence while I am talking to him on the phone at night. At one point in time he asked me how I did a procedure on the left ankle when I was just finished asking him a question about his family. It is at that point in time when I know whether I like it or not, the conversation has ended. I have had hour-long talks with one my girlfriends while she has been completely unconscious. The only way she knows she was asleep is because she will glance at the caller ID in the morning and call back wondering if we had spoken. I do not have these problems, unfortunately. Instead, sleep eludes me.
I have always had a problem with insomnia. It comes and goes and usually is directly related to my inability to turn off my brain. Thoughts circle and I usually do my best problem solving as I try to fall asleep. Typically it takes me about 30 minutes to an hour to fully fall asleep. I wish I were kidding. It is a conscious process for me to go to the land of nod.
I have rituals to help me wind down. I take baths, I read, I drink milk. When I was little I abandoned counting sheep and instead began to try and recount every birthday party in chronological order (the waterslide, the tea party, the sleepover, etc.) What is ironic is that I find children's birthday parties to be depressing I (or downright terrifying if they had clowns involved) including my own. At times in my adulthood, I still find myself going down this mental ritual. I am also pretty good at imagining I'm on a roller coaster (I love thrill rides) and try to get that body sensation in the dark. That also gets me to sleep. I found that music does little to help me relax (I read too much into the lyrics' poetry) and I can't keep my mind from wandering during meditation tapes.
I am not above using the pharmacy for aid as well. I have done a number of sleeping agents (always supervised by a MD) although I'm always afraid of getting dependent. So I try switching things up. Antihistamines, NyQuil, etc.. Again though, the whole fear of dependence gets me.
I've had a few suggest a nightcap. That doesn't work as I wake up usually about 3 AM wide awake. I'm finding the older I get the more alcohol negativelyimpactsmy circadian cycles. That sucks. No longer am I the 22 year old party girl body surfing the crowd while drunk and then miraculously home to pass out. Those days are gone.
I think the worst part about sleep issues is the whole waking up in the early hours of the morning with your body having the idea that it is normal hours. I did this last night. I had some dream about work that got me all worked up for a very difficult meeting I have next week. I literally woke up sitting in bed yelling some brilliant line in the sand to my nemesis. (This one sided strategic conversation is no longer in my recall ability now.) After that sleep was out of the question for another 1.5 hours as I tried to qualm my anxieties and talked my irrational beliefs down that now was not the time to be conquering the world in my mind.
Work definitely stresses me out, but you know when I was on medical leave I just found family issues to be the source of anti-sleep anxiety. This just leads me to believe that there is a genetic component. My mom is notorious for her early waking habits. It is not uncommon for her to get up at 4 AM and finish out client's bank reconciliations until 7 when she will finally make a cup of tea. I always told her this was just plain sick, but now I'm unwillingly following down her same path.
Here is my plea before I sign off for the night: if any of you have any brilliant ideas or old home remedies your grandmother taught you, please let me know.
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