When I was younger and rageful against my brother, I remember a fight where I told him that I couldn't wait to get married and change my name so I wouldn't be associated with him anymore. He cried and told me it was the worst thing I could have possibly said. His tears took me aback. I just thought my statement was the same as telling him he had cooties or something. Apparently it held a lot more weight than I thought.
By the time I hit my early twenties I was certain I would keep my maiden name. After all, this is my identity. Mind you, I had no super suitors at this point in time asking for my hand in marriage, but I was prepared! Most of my girlfriends who got married at this point in their lives did the hyphen thing. By the time graduate school ended I had then made the rule that if I wasn't married by the time I had my LCSW, then I was just going to keep my maiden name. Again, it was an identity issue.
I found that this is a hot topic for guys. Every single guy I've ever dated thought it was a HUGE deal. They wanted their future wife to take their name. The only logical argument given to me was the confusion for the children with parents of two separate names. There were kids in school growing up who had the hyphenated last name taking after their mothers, but I always wondered if their dads' had the hyphen and took their wives' names as well.
My cousin's husband (the one who is running for prom queen of the mommies) actually took her name. They did it actually because he didn't like his biological dad and they thought they would carry on my uncle's legacy. Ironically, they only have daughters and don't plan on having any other children.
As the time approaches for me to be seriously considering this issue, wouldn't you know I found a guy who truly doesn't care if I take his name or not. He asked why would I take his name? This is a really good question. Its not like my status in the alphabet will improve. When I was a kid I liked the fact that I was always at the first part of the alphabet. Now I would be downgrading from a "B" to a "G."
Another factor to consider is how the whole name would sound together. Rhyming names are the worst like Julia Goolia in the Wedding Singer or Davey McGrady, my aunt. Fortunately for me, I don't have to worry about this particular problem.
Another issue could be a name that acutally conjures an image. Take, for instance, Dusty Housepan, Mitt Baton, or Gayle Wind. Or worse, those that sound like they belong in bad B movies or adult films. (Use your imagination here) Again, I don't have to worry about this.
For awhile I dated mostly ethic men. Given the first and last name potential combos I sounded like I should be a guy from the Middle East or out of Aladdin. What a shocker to get me, blue eyed, blondish straight haired female. Names on resumes typically give away the cultural identity. Only in Utah would you expect a girl named Charonne or Sheree and have her be white. Ah, but I digress...
For my names, hyphenating sounds awful. Its like swallowing and regurgitating too many vowels. And then there is the spelling issue. Everyone mispronounces my fiance's last name (including the priest who officiated his uncle's funeral). Generally, you always have to spell it out for people. This isn't a new challenge for me as I have to always spell out my first name for people because there are so many ways of spelling it. But do I really want to spell out both my first and last name?
The thing that gets me hung up is the tradition thing. Now that I'm established in my career I really could care less what my last name is. Funny, you would expect the opposite. I worry about the kids and really hyphenating is out of the question. But, I have been my name for 30+ years. Perhaps it will all come down to the issue of me taking on the hurdle of legal changes vs. being lazy. Do I really have time to sit in the Social Security office for hours?
No comments:
Post a Comment